The Z list

This isn't a blog about video games. shocking, I know. Also kindof a debbie downer, just warning. I'm pretty sure I'm on my period. I've been very mainic-depressive and pissy the past couple days, and its awful.

So I'm at work brooding (my bitch co-worker didn't show up) and I kindof realized something terribly depressing. I'm kindof lonley. I don't mean in that whiney "I'll never fall in love" sort of way, but rather I don't have many freinds. (Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind ending my extreemly long stint of singlehood) I don't know why, I used to have tons of friends. True, some have moved away, and I've had a fallout or two, but I really don't know when I became so unpopular. Alot of it is me, I rarely call people. The longer its been since i've talked to someone, the more akward I feel about doing it, which makes it even harder to reconnect. Also I think I've changed. I used to be so freindly and people loved me. I'd like to blame drinking, since i do alot of that now, but I used to meet people at parties all the time and become fast freinds with them. I don't know what to do about it, but I really wish I could figure it out.

Another woe of mine is money. This has always been a slight worry for me, or at least since getting out on my own, but with christmas approaching, its worse. I really want to be able to buy people [extravagant] presents, but its going to be difficult to afford this year and that makes me sad. I also feel sort of guilty when someone gets me a great present and I can't even muster up a shitty one. Though I am an art student now.... original prints for all!

I'm also kinda bombing at school, but this is 100% my fault. I have some late assignments that i still need to hand in, and i'm just procrastinating. I work well under pressure though, so I should be able to catch up pretty easily.

Trying to think of something happy to report, but I really can't so I guess I'll just leave you with that. If anyone has advice or comments I'd love to hear them. knowing people read my ramblings makes me happy lol.
~Ben